7th June, 2006

BUSH

      THE    CU       REPORT

You say potattto, and I say fuck off - it's OUR language!

Steve  'Dubya?'Deadmoney

My fellow Amalgamations, for many years now, we the Merkin people have been busy working on ways to improoverise (surely impoverish? - ed) the English language for the benefit of monkeykind everywhere. During the curse of the past two decades, in fact, for nearly twenty years now, this processification has been increasing thru the ever grater use of the information freeway super-hairnet. As more and more of the world's populationists become cyberised, so the grate leadershipping that we have pie-on-eared bears fruit. And quite possibly vegetationables too.

This cistern of betterising the number one language of the world has been given the full sport of the Britishish Primark-Minister Bleaaaaugh. I just haven't actually told him so at this momentum in time. But knowing Tony like what I do, he will recognise the dangerousnessity of not uniting against the fret from all the un-Merkin glands of the world. I'm talking about the French, the Shinees, and all the other towel-wearing Africasianations to name just those. These enemas of freedom are un-democrappic, un-republicanned, un-Jesus, un-Marycaned. They're also florin, and so according-to- Lee, must be stopped at any prize.

Therefore, hens fourth, PM Bleaaaaugh, PM Dawn and any other PMs will be working under our missile guidance to unsure that all the vary-ass English languages will be unified-ified into one single, brand new Englitch program. This will be known as Merkin. We have already notificated the appropriated department of your Parlaymince - the world-famous Ministry Of Sounds, and have received their excited responsement: "Boy! George!" We want all you Brits to know we're as ex-sighted as you that we'll be runnin' things over there from over here from now on from morning thru to nine from Sunday to Monkey.

In pratt-ical turns, this means that Merkin is to be usaged for all afflictations wherever words are utili-tili-tised, and consecrately this report has been choosed as an ex-sample to all the great peepholes of London and all of its States, includifying Snotland, Northern Iceland, and Wails. Future degenerate Asians will look back at this moron in time, and say "I heard about that cant".

Plus, additionally too, we will as well in addition be undressing the big tissue of punk two-nations and bad grandma also as well. Repetitious repetitionisation is repeatedly repeated far too often by stupid ignorant-anuses who are stupid and un-talked during there idiotucation. Forsaking of clarity porpoises, and since you cannot be distressed enough, l will again encore once more repeat myself:

Ditto.

And now for the report. Although I myself was not there for the hole game (the secret of my success is not being all there) I used my right hand - as you may be aware, I use my Dick a lot. This was one time I deciderated not to be Condi-sending - what chance would that bitch have against a dozen Dogs? Besides, only a right dick seemed approximate for the onanist task of representing the precedent, so I denigrated it to him. The following informations were all his; I have merely parrot-phrased the obstinations he dictatored in my absinthe.

The game was plaid at Hairy Potter's place - Hogwash - I new it was the right address when I saw the sign saying Shana Hyatt's Close, but sadly I didn't see her until I got home to The Shite House and connectionised My Bush flavourites. All the usual suspects were there - except the ones I pussieved as a threat who I've had locked up in Guano Bay or buried in the Abo's Grave. As you Briti-shites say - they weren't about to trouble the score-arse.

The currant runaway leak-leader, Craig, failed to run away and was raisin almost every hand. He showed the farm that has put him at the top of the Phat Dogs heap - playing like an animal and winning hand after hand. Pretty soon, but not too pretty for the rest, "Donuts" had become massive chimp leader - believe me, I know how much of a c**t you have to be to get there. Bean there, dung that, got the real result overturned.

The others were playing for scraps. The Lord sacrificed his only Dog, Jesus, to Steve's slow-played trip 3s after hitting 2 pairs. No shame in that, but he still had to walk. Then, when the crock-knee Delboyo made his flush, Craig hit one of only 4 outs to sail away with the pot in his boat. We will of coarse be sending the Coastguard to check out these rivers - and test the pot.

Andy "Fag-arse" was low stack when he went all in with A8 suited, but Steve was on the big blunt and called with A9, which held up. Deadmonkey was on a high.

A pre-flaps raise by Dave was called by HP who knows a thing or two about sauce. Sure enough, Dave "Two chairs" had 53 off to Harry's A9, but our host had to go when Dave paired his 5. Sofa, so good for Bluffy The Hand-Higher Slayer. When he tried it again with 2 pairs on board and holding just an A kicker, however, Craig had another boat and "Two Chairs" had no chair. Dave "Touche?

Pete had played his usual tight game, only going all-in with the Aces of Evil, or top 10 hands. But as the blinds went up and his stack dwindled, he became Pete Doc OTT, and finished "turd" - which is Irish for Bronze Medal.

Heads up between the Chimp Leader and Deadmonkey, with Craig starting on a 2-1 lead. Few had gibbon Deadmonkey much chance, but there was a lot of monkey business going on. Despite a lack of capuchin-o, Steve was wired on caffeine and with the clock running on, made his usual moves (as yet unseen on Dance Fever - phew!). Titboy (KJ) called his all in, only to see the 56off marry up. Back and fourth the chips went, until finally Deadmonkey's up and down straight draw hit on the river, and Donuts had to settle for 2^nd plaice to the fish.

It may not be very popular, but you have to admit, sucking monkeys rule!